I apologise for the long answer. Armchair psychology after one sentence that misses the point I made and attacks my character? All men are capable or pretty vile acts, everyone has their breaking point. I guess my main probelm is am I dealing with this properly. It would be a massive mistake. The more I think about this, the more I think you are struggling with, quite possibly, an existential or highly personal rather than relational question.
Your husband will remember you as a lovely man who did wonderful things. Remain amicable and peaceful with her, especially in front of the kids. If you can't let it go, then good luck; pursue divorce. Other than the sex itself, I think this is what aggravates me most and this sums up how I feel. All these things I thought I knew to be a certainty about myself when i was in my late teens and early twenties.
At that point, you're worse than a fool--you're a weakling. The upstanding professional and loving mother had a past that nobody could have imagined except those who have been there. I am already in the process of looking for a new job, so he start to feel less insecure. You'll recover and age like fine wine; she will age like milk in a summer car. You have been given a golden gift to turn yourself into the center of your world.
My attorney recommend I get my wife back to full time work and I start documenting all the parent teacher visits, activities with kids, etc. If so, is there a different way of doing it, as the fact of the affair itself might well be a red herring, since the truth likely lies less with the what and more with the why of it. They worked for the same company but in 2 distant cities. Time will certainly dilute the pain but, for me, one of the tricks when I start to think about it is to recognize that I am starting to obsess about something that I cannot change, something that she did a long time ago when we were both different people and to think about how much we love each other today. Be prepared for 2 years of counseling, and don't go unless you want to stay together. However, she told me that she didn't think it was the sexual abuse that killed our sex life.
We've all done things we regret. What is it you feel will help the relationship by telling her? Now this destruction karma comes back to you, your hubby most likely will not want anything to do with you. Close joint bank accounts immediately and secure wealth in a way she won't trace. The trap was set, and she fell in. It is bad enough for a woman to lie to you and get away with it--with the full knowledge of your friend and family. Find out the do what you must with the results. You have the bonus pleasure of now sifting through a period of your life that time has reduced to memory fragments, and trying to see what you missed, and whether things you filed under happy marriage and who I always thought my wife was now need to be filed under things were rocky and I was sleepwalking and this is who my wife really is.
He died, and I got my promotion. Picture saving and working hard to buy the car of your dreams. Instead focus on asking whether or not your actions were congruent with your goals. I am trying to let the other woman go but in my research I did find out she may have had another child since she had unprotected sex with my husband. She's still manipulating you and lying to you, and she is doing it on purpose.
Bad Role Model in Missouri Dear Bad Role Model: You have already taken the first step by recognizing the pattern that is being repeated. I also hear so many people talk about forgiveness as the key to healing. . I would tell her you want a divorce and she if she will tell you that she is sorry. Move carefully, and isolate a suitably sized pillow of cash to land on before making any real moves legally. His behavior calls into question your whole faith and trust in him for a quarter of a century.
Granted there's some consideration for the fact there's kids now, but he should be planning his exit strategy, considering the whole marriage was based on a lie. He slept with and had a relationship with an 18 year old for 6 months. Should I continue to talk about it with him, or try to ignore them? Other men feel guilty or responsible, like they should have been able to stop the affair. After coming home, I would eat dinner, prepare my work for the following day, and sleep at 10pm, to wake up at 6am the following day. Will you mope in depression while that guy is banging your ex-wife? The next day, I expressed to the group my feelings and the guy explained that holding her hand was not a romantic gesture but that the drug allowed him to connect with her and holding her hand was a way to demonstrate that he felt connected to her in that moment. So, again, the real question to ask is what led him to cheat? My wife admitted that she cheated with my friend 18 years ago Tagged as: , , Question - 6 August 2011 5 Answers - Newest, 12 August 2011 A male age 41-50, anonymous writes: My wife and I have been together for 19 years today, married for 16 of those. I do feel like so much of getting over it and moving on is on me.
While I used to be very skeptical of polys, most of what I've read indicates that they have come light-years in recent decades. I say keep this one to yourself and if there is pain on your part, then you just have to learn to deal with it. Obviously, she had had sex with him and this instantly broke. She claims to not know why to this day but she said yes. I yelled at him to leave my apartment but he refused to do so. We've had an amazing relationship. This I matched with my calendar, and found that these days were exacltly when I had to stay longer at work.
At first she got angry and said I invaded her privacy and was not even willing to talk about what happened. I know that wouldn't help, but that's how I feel. I think he felt too embarrassed that he messed up to find the courage to tell you. You have sent me a number of emails about wives that cheat. See if he can help you work through your rage. She's still curious about his alpha cock and seeing if she can get it.